Monday, December 29, 2014

UAF BANS THE INTERVIEW FROM CAMPUS



The University of Arkansas at Fayetteville has banned the movie The Interview from being streamed on campus.  

The UAF press release stated that the movie offers support to the University of Texas and actors in the movie are clearly depicted making the Hook’em Horn’s gesture.  



Monday, November 24, 2014

RAZORBACKS TO PLAY REDWOLFS IN TOILET BOWL



The College Bowl Selection Committee announced today that the University of Arkansas at Fayetteville will play Arkansas State University in the 2014 Clorox Toilet Bowl.

The announcement set off a rush by legislators from Northwest Arkansas trying to force outgoing Governor Mike Beebe to call for an emergency special session to try and block the matchup.

UAF Athletic Director and College Bowl Selection Committee chairman Jeff Long said the committee’s decision “has my bowels in a uproar”.

Sunday, November 16, 2014

SUPERSTITIOUS RAZORBACK COACH THROWS RAZOR AWAY



The Arkansas Razorbacks shut out LSU in a 17-0 victory Saturday night in Fayetteville.  The win broke a streak of 17 straight Southeastern Conference losses for the Hogs.  LSU was ranked 17th prior to the game and the highly superstitious Razorback football coach Bret Bielema says he will not be shaving anytime soon.  Bielema commented "I'm participating in No Shave November,  but the fact that the Hogs had lost 17 straight SEC games, LSU was rated 17th and we beat them 17-0 is too much to ignore".

"I have a huge superstition of wearing a windbreaker on game day. I'll never get away from that. I tried to but I couldn't, and now I’m through with shaving” said Bielema.

If the Razorbacks win a game, Coach Bielema will eat the same food the next three weeks, wear the same underwear, and avoid being around his wife.

"I wanna give the people of Arkansas a championship. I do want that. Sounds silly because life's not about that but in a culture like this, those things mean a lot," Bielema explained.

"When I hear people talk about a 1964 championship and it's 2014 and they talk about it like it's yesterday, you know it's important to 'em or they have mental issues.”


Wednesday, November 5, 2014

OBAMA DECLARES MARTIAL LAW



In response to election results that appeared to give control of the US Senate and many State governments to Republicans, President Obama declared the entire United States and territories to be under Marshal Law.

Shortly after midnight, Department of Homeland Security agents and multiple Army units took hundreds of Republic candidates into custody citing special provisions of the Patriot Act and Obamacare and placed them in FEMA holding facilities.

President Obama has pledged to conduct investigations into what he is calling "massive voter fraud and monkey business by the Republic National Party".

Sunday, September 28, 2014

RAZORBACKS ANNOUNCE DEPARTURE FROM SEC

                   
University of Arkansas at Fayetteville Athletic Director Jeff Long announced today that effective the 2015-2016 school year, the UAF football program would no longer be a member of the Southeastern Conference. 

Instead Long said “ they would join the NCAA Football Bowl Subdivision of Independent Schools and only play teams that there was a 100% certainty that they could beat”. Long added that “ our fans hate losing and another season of getting pounded by teams in the SEC would be more than they could stand”.

Friday, September 5, 2014

PULASKI COUNTY SETS TRAP FOR TIRE TACKER




Pulaski County installed bear traps this week along county roads northwest of Little Rock due to tacks appearing on County Farm Road that punctured tires of several cyclists’ tires riding in the Bike and Hike for ALS. “We’ve got bear traps out there to catch the stupid person who did it,” Pulaski County Judge Buddy Villines said. Villines stated that he authorized the county to purchase a dozen #16 grizzly bear traps at a cost of $279.99 each.

Pulaski County sheriff’s office spokesman Lt. Carl Minden said if a person were arrested in the incidents, he would be charged with criminal mischief, a misdemeanor, unless a report is filed alleging $1,000 or more in damage. “It’s going to be hard catching somebody doing it, unless they get a leg caught in one of those traps” Minden said.

Thursday, August 7, 2014

GOOGLE GOOFS UP



A Google Street View vehicle slammed into a Little Rock Police Car on Cantrell Road in Little Rock Wednesday afternoon. The Street View car was going the wrong way on Taylor Street, then U-turned and attempted to merge onto Cantrell Road, when it side-swiped another vehicle, then rear ended a Little Rock Police Car. 

The driver of the police car was identified as officer Jason Harris. Harris is the handler of K9 cop dog Ammo, that escaped from his pen and attacked several individuals that lived close to Harris earlier in the week. Harris declined to comment.


The driver of the Street View car declined to comment about the wreck or identify himself and was rushed nearby Fun Wash to clean his soiled clothes. A Google ID was found at the scene that identified the driver as Jack Hoff. Accident investigators determined that a short while before the accident, Hoff had been at the Diamond Bear Brewery in North Little Rock and had purchased several cases of Diamond Bear Pale Ale after taking a tour of the brewery.

The driver of the other vehicle, Jason Klinghoffer,69, said he was shaken up after the crash and accused the driver of Street View car of running red light while trying to turn onto Cantrell Road.

"Something better come out of Google's pocket for this besides the dude's ID card," Klinghoffer said.

Google could not be reached for comment.

Wednesday, August 6, 2014

LITTLE ROCK POLICE INVADE SALINE COUNTY OVER DOG


Little Rock Police Department invaded Saline County after a LRPD police dog attacked and bit two people, severing the hand of a neighbor, after escaping from a pen Monday night at the home of his handler LRPD officer Jason “Smiley” Harris in Alexander, AR.

Ammo, a Dutch shepherd who’s been with the Little Rock Police Department for three years, broke out of his kennel, jumped over a 6-foot fence and charged across the street into a neighbor’s yard, according to the Saline County sheriff’s office.

A report from the Saline County sheriff’s office said the dog went into Hannah Jackson’s yard on Quail Ridge Drive about 7:27 p.m. Buddy Taylor told deputies he was doing yard work when he spotted the dog “pacing in wild circles in Jackson’s yard” and “tried to grab the dog tag to see who the owner was,” reports said. According to deputies, Ammo then attacked Taylor, biting him on the leg and ate a huge chunk of leg meat. The dog then attacked Jackson and bit off her left hand. Jackson was airlifted to a Little Rock hospital and was unreachable by phone for comment. 

Investigators noted that Ammo was up to date on his shots, and the police dog’s veterinarian told investigators the dog was healthy. The dog’s handler, officer Jason Harris, was not at home when Ammo escaped, but he helped put the dog back in his kennel when he returned, officials said. By Saline County ordinance, Ammo must be “quarantined” for 10 days, though, when told this by deputies, Harris said Little Rock police policies said his dog didn’t have to be quarantined. This prompted a heated argument and when Saline County Sheriff’s deputies attempted to place Ammo in custody, Harris called for backup and LRPD sent in their SWAT unit in an armored vehicle. Not to be outdone, The Saline County Sheriff’s department responded with their own armored vehicle. 

Martial law has been declared and residents are urged to remain indoors until hostilities cease.

Tuesday, July 29, 2014

RAZORBACK FANS TO PAY FOR HOG CALL USE



University of Arkansas at Fayetteville Athletic Director Jeff Long announced today that a $100.00 fee would be added to each ticket for all sporting events to cover use by fans of the recently trademarked hog call. 

Long stated that this price increase was necessary because "we don't have the resources to have trademark police at each event and personally collect the necessary fees from each fan that yells out the protected phrase". 

When asked where the funds from the added trademark fee would be used, Long stated that "we will use the funds for exciting entertainment at the football games to retain the fanbase as we don't expect to win many games this year"..

Tuesday, July 22, 2014

LITTLE ROCK UPDATES CROSSWALK SIGNS


Little Rock Public Works has upgraded the sofware for crossing lights that will allow more messages than "Walk" and "Don't Walk".

Jon Honeywell, Public Works Department Director said that "it was time for us to take advantage of 21st Century technology and use more appropriate language". Other new phrases such as "Stop Fool" and "Look Out" are in the message cue as well.

Sunday, July 20, 2014

LITTLE ROCK CITY DIRECTORS CHECK OUT LATE NIGHT CLUBS



Little Rock City Directors Brad Cazort and Gene Fortson made fact finding visits to all of Little Rock’s 5 a.m. Clubs this past week. 

Cazort and Fortson, accompanied by several dancers from Paper Moon, arrived at Midtown Billards at around 4:30 a.m. this past Saturday. 

City Director Joan Adcock has introduced an ordinance before the board that would close all establishments at 2 a.m. Industry representatives worked with City Manager Bruce Moore to present a different ordinance that wouldn’t change the hours, but would require the clubs to keep the number of off-duty police officers they have now and give the police chief authority to require more if there are problems at a particular club. 

Cazort stated that "we couldn't get that old -censored- Adcock to come along to see for herself what is happening at this time of day at these places". 

Neither Cazort nor Fortson were ready to say whether they support Adcock’s recommendation to close the clubs at 2 a.m. or whether they will have a counterproposal to offer in August. They are still going over their research, they said. But Fortson did have a general takeaway. “What this trip confirmed to me is I ain't dead yet” he said.

Friday, July 18, 2014

MISS IDAHO REMOVED DUE TO DISABILITY



Sierra Sandison who was crowned Miss Idaho 2014 last weekend was stripped of her crown today due to her Type 1 diabetes. Miss Idaho pageant officials stated that Sandison filed a fraudulent application for the contest as she did not reveal that she was handicapped and because of her deception she must forfeit her title and crown, but she can keep the year’s supply of Idaho potatoes that were part of her prize package.

When reporters questioned pageant officials about not being aware of her condition and the insulin pump that Sandison wore during the competition, state pageant chairwoman Sadie Klackenbacher said “I thought it was a Walkman and she was just jamming to some tunes”.

Sandison has retained an attorney is contemplating legal action against the Miss Idaho organization.

Thursday, July 17, 2014

BREAKING NEWS...ARKANSAS DEPARTMENT OF CORRECTIONS SAYS CHILD CREATED IMAGES OF ESCAPED INMATE



Breaking Story - ADC Warden admits grandson was photoshop artist that created photos of escapee Timothy Buffington. ADC announces new program called "Etch-an-Escapee" based on the success of the photos.

Wednesday, July 16, 2014

ARKANSAS LOTTERY COMMITTEE BLAMES POOR FOR LOW SALES



The Arkansas Scholarship Lottery’s revenue dropped in fiscal 2014 by $29.5 million from fiscal 2013 to $410.6 million as the amount raised for college scholarships slipped by $8.9 million to $81.4 million. 

It’s the second consecutive year that the lottery’s revenue and net proceeds for college scholarships have dropped. The lottery projects that net proceeds will drop again in fiscal 2015, which began July 1st.

State Sen. Robert Thompson, D-Paragould, who is co-chairman of the lottery oversight committee, said Tuesday night that the lottery’s final figures for fiscal 2014 “were not great, but that was expected as poor people are not buying scratch off’s like we thought they would.” Lottery Director Bishop Woosley has proposed that bake sales be held to help offset the loss in revenue.

Sunday, July 13, 2014

COMEDIAN TRACY MORGAN SUES WALMART



Former Saturday Night Live star Tracy Morgan has sued Wal-Mart over a highway crash involving one of its drivers that left him seriously injured and a fellow comedian dead. 

The lawsuit, filed Thursday in U.S. District Court in New Jersey, claims Wal-Mart was negligent when a driver of one of its tractor-trailers rammed into Morgan’s limousine van June 7. 

The complaint claims the retail giant should have known that its driver had been awake for more than 24 hours and that his commute of 700 miles from his home in Georgia to work in Delaware was “unreasonable.” It also alleges the driver fell asleep at the wheel and while dreaming began to use his feet to drive the truck. 

Photos obtained by the New Jersey State Police from a video system in the truck show the driver at times standing in his seat and then steering the truck with his feet moments before the crash. Morgan’s lawsuit seeks a jury trial and punitive and compensatory damages.

TIMOTHY BUFFINGTON PLACED PERSONAL AD BEFORE ESCAPE



Confidential source says Arkansas Department of Corrections has issued a subpoena to the Arkansas Democrap Gazette for information regarding a personal ad allegedly placed by escaped inmate Timothy “Bo” Buffington.

Saturday, July 12, 2014

LEAKED VIDEO FROM ARKANSAS DEPARTMENT OF CORRECTIONS 2014 INMATE FOLLIES

video


Leaked video from the Arkansas Department of Corrections 2014 Inmate Follies. An annual fundraising event to fund escape attempts.

Monday, July 7, 2014

TOM COTTON REPORTS SHARK SIGHTING AT LAKE MAUMELLE

ACTORS PORTRAYING COTTON'S FAMILY POINT AT SHARK IN LAKE MAUMELLE


Rep. Tom Cotton, the Republican Senatorial candidate, filed a report this morning with the Pulaski County Sheriff's Department and the Arkansas Game & Fish Commission regarding a purported shark sighting on Lake Maumelle over the 4th of July weekend. 

Cotton’s report claims that while boating with his wife and two children that his publicist procured for a photo shoot, the boaters saw a shark fin protruding from the water which was heading directly at their craft. 

Cotton stated that the shark submerged just before it reached the boat and it was not seen again. Cotton was able to snap a photo of the shark before it went below the surface of the water. 

When reached for a comment Cotton stated “When I saw that fin I thought of that Jaws movie and started praying and thinking about how I have so much more faith than Senator Pryor, that is why we survived”.

Thursday, July 3, 2014

ARKANSAS ESCAPEE RECEIVES METAL OF FREEDOM AND PRESIDENTIAL APPOINTMENT





Escaped Arkansas Department of Corrections inmate Timothy "Bo" Buffington was awarded the Presidential Medal of Freedom today by President Barack Obama at a White House ceremony. 

Obama congratulated Buffington on his escape and evasion tactics and issued a Presidential Pardon. Buffington will be starting his new job with the Federal Bureau of Prisons after completing a media tour.

Monday, June 30, 2014

PULASKI COUNTY SHERIFF TO USE WW II BUNKERS TO HOUSE PRISONERS





Pulaski County Sheriff Doc Holladay has announced that the jail will not be able to house any more prisoners and will effectively close down on July 1,2014.

To accommodate newly arrested individuals, Sheriff Holladay has arranged to use one of the old ammunition bunkers in Maumelle as a makeshift jail annex until the regular jail population is reduced. 

Prisoners will be detailed to the Maumelle Country Club during the day for caddy duty and stray ball pick-up and will be locked down at night in the bunker. Holladay stated "when you have been dealt a bad deal you have to fold or make lemonade".

Friday, June 27, 2014

ASA HUTCHINSON REVEALS PLAN TO REDUCE PRISON POPULATION



Republican gubernatorial candidate Asa Hutchinson has announced a plan to reduce the population at the various facilities maintained by the Arkansas Department of Corrections if he is elected. 

Hutchinson’s plan calls for certain prisoners to be euthanized much like dogs and cats in animal shelters. Hutchinson said that “these jails and prisons will only have a set amount of days for each offender, depending on their sentence and then they go to the Big Sleep Chamber”. 

Hutchinson stated that “it was too early to release all the details of his plan” as he was “waiting on input from municipal animal shelters to work out the kinks”.

Thursday, June 26, 2014

LITTLE ROCK POLICE TO USE DRONE TO FIGHT CRIME



Newly hired LR COP Kenton “T-dog” Buckner has plans for a surplus drone LRPD received through the Department of Defense’s 1033 program which provides surplus military equipment for police use in counter-narcotic and counter-terrorism situations. 

Buckner stated that he sees the escalating crime rate in Little Rock “dropping like flies” when the drone is used to “cap the crooks”. Bucker said that a similar program had “mostly worked” in Louisville, KY and “that every now and then there was some collateral damage”.

City manager Bruce Moore also announced that the city had increased the coverage for its liability insurance.

Wednesday, June 25, 2014

LESLIE RUTLEDGE REVEALS PLAN TO ARM ARKANSANS



Arkansas Attorney General candidate Leslie Rutledge in an effort to counter criticism that she is against the controversial “stands your ground law”, released details what she calls her “A Weapon for Every Arkansas Home Plan or W.E.A.P.”. 

Rutledge’s W.E.A.P. initiative will place guns confiscated by Arkansas law enforcement agencies in every Arkansas home that passes a background check. Rutledge said that she does not expect opposition from any “God fearing Christian that loves America and believes in the inherent right to bear arms guaranteed by the U. S. Constitution”. 

Democratic candidate Nate Coulter could not stop laughing long enough to provide a response.

Friday, June 20, 2014

LITTLE ROCK ZOO BIDS FAREWELL TO ELEPHANTS


STODOLA AUCTIONING OFF THE LAST ELEPHANT AT THE LR ZOO

Mayor Mark Stodola announced this week that after months of planning by zoo officials that the board has finally approved an updated master plan that will phase out the elephant area and replace it with an Adopt-A-Pet area that relocates the animal shelter from its present location to the zoo. 

When the Little Rock Board of Directors discussed the Little Rock Zoo’s master plan back in April, Stodola questioned the expansion of the elephant area as proposed. Citing concerns about the recent dispute nationwide about zoos’ housing of elephants, something that escalated in Little Rock when an advocacy group dubbed the Little Rock Zoo as a place where elephants go to die, Stodola urged that alternatives to expansion be developed. 

Stodola told reporters that the plan “sorta came to him” after the board made a late night fact finding visit to Midtown Billiards in connection to discussions of shutting down late night clubs. Stodola said that the updated plan included the addition of a Tiki Bar and that a portion of proceeds from alcohol sales would go to a fund to provide spaying/neutering of adopted pets.