UALR SHUTS DOWN CAMPUS AFTER SHARK SIGHTED IN FLOOD WATERS

UALR PUBLIC SAFETY OFFICERS CAUTIOUSLY APPROACH SHARK IN DITCH

The University of Arkansas-Little Rock shut down its campus at around 4:00 p.m. today due to a large shark being discovered in a drainage ditch.

UALR biology professor Dr. Marco Polo told us that finding a shark after flooding is not so unusual.  Dr. Polo stated that during heavy rains, water floods from the Arkansas River and sometimes sharks are whisked out of the river into nearby streams and creeks.

The UALR Department of Public Safety responded with some tranquilizer darts in an attempt to capture the shark so it could be put on display in a large tank in front of the Donaghey Student Center.

UALR Chancellor Joel E. Anderson, who is retiring in June,  released a statement shortly after closing the campus and cancelling evening classes. "Hopefully the shark can be safely and humanely captured and not be injured.  Having it on display will complete my legacy." 

PULASKI COUNTY SHERIFF'S OFFICE COWBOY UP'S WITH NEW GEAR

PULASKI COUNTY SHERIFF DOC HOLLADAY SHOWS OFF NEW WESTERN GEAR FOR DEPUTIES

The Pulaski County Sheriff's Office is changing up it's uniforms at an estimated cost of $215,000. They are spending $24,633.58 for cowboys hats (120 Stetson black felt hats at $155 each) and 142 Resistol straw hats (at $42.49 each); $6,043.20 for 120 hat covers (at $50.36 each); $10,199 for 120 black Roper boots with spurs (at $84.99 each) and $179,800 for 120 Colt Peacemaker pistols (at $1,499 each).

Sheriff Doc Holladay said "the money was available and we needed to improve our image."  It's the third image revamp Holladay has instituted since he was elected in 2006. He changed the uniform color from dark blue to tan, the vehicle colors from white with blue stripes to black and gold.

"I wanted our uniforms to resemble those from the Andy Griffith Show to make folks feel more comfortable with us," said Holladay. "The black and gold for the cars is from a tiger. Tigers are bad ass animals and we wanted to project that we are bad asses too," quipped Holladay.

Deputies say the new gear makes they feel better about themselves and more like real lawmen.

DEPUTIES CONGRATULATE EACH OTHER ON THEIR NEW LOOK 

CITY OF LITTLE ROCK TO ISSUE ID CARDS TO UNDOCUMENTED RESIDENTS

Little Rock Mayor Mark Stodola, in his annual State of the City address on Thursday,  stated that the city of Little Rock would begin issuing ID cards to undocumented residents.

 

STODOLA TAKES A BREAK AFTER DELIVERING A TIRESOME SPEECH

The idea was proposed by Little Rock Board of Director Joan Adcock and her

Working Together in the Community group.
 

DIRECTOR AT-LARGE ADCOCK

The identification would include a picture, name, address, birth date. The service would benefit the homeless and those without legal U.S. documentation, Adcock said.

“The people we’ve talked to said, ‘This would give us an identity, show we belong, that we are a part of the city,’” she said.

The ID card could not be used to purchase tobacco or alcohol products.

A homeless man we spoke to about the city issued ID cards had this to say about usefulness of the cards. "That damn card would not be worth nuthin' if I couldn't get some smokes or a pint", quipped a familiar street-corner panhandler that goes by the name "Dirty Dan".

"DIRTY DAN" THINKS THE ID CARDS ARE WORTHLESS

 

GOV. HUTCHINSON WEIGHS IN ON TRUMPS TALLYWHACKER

 

HUTCHINSON INDICATES THE SIZE OF TRUMP'S TOOL

Gov. Hutchinson is backing up Marco Rubio, his choice for the President, regarding remarks Rubio made about the size of Trump's love muscle.

Hutchinson, in a press briefing told reporters that when he was head of the DEA, he met Trump at a sporting event and they ended up in the men's room at the same time. "I glanced over at Trump while he were standing at one of those long urinals, I saw that he didn't have much to work with", Hutchinson remarked.

Hutchinson then stated that he had seen Rubio's willy as well and "it is much larger than Trump's."

Reports asked Hutchinson if penis size was a factor in choosing a president.  Hutchinson responding by saying "size matters".

When contacted for a comment, Trump stated "my penis, which by the way is named The Zamboni Baloney, is more than adequate. Ask Rubio's wife and she will tell you."

TRUMP GESTURES TO SHOW THE APPROXIMATE SIZE OF HIS CHICKSICLE