ALTERCATION AT PARK PLAZA MALL OVER PUSH-UP BRA. LRPD BREAKS OUT RIOT GEAR IN RESPONSE

A Returnmas day dispute at Park Plaza Mall provided the Little Rock Police Department the opportunity to use some of the $400K riot gear recently purchased by the taxpayers of Little Rock.

LRPD SPECIAL RESPONSE TEAM AT PARK PLAZA MALL

LRPD broke out their new riot gear to quell a mob of crazed teenagers at Park Plaza Mall after off-duty Pulaski County Sheriff's Deputies were forced to seek shelter in the freezer in the Dippin' Dots store.

According to sources present at the mall, a fight broke out between two teenage girls over a push-up bra at Victoria's Secret, and general discordance quickly spread throughout the mall sending shoppers scurrying for the doors. Other sources stated that they thought the fight started over some stolen waffle fries in the food court.

LRPD says they will have patrols in the mall parking lot and will use both of their observation towers to help keep things under control.

 

YOU'RE A MEAN ONE MR. STODOLA

MAYOR MARK STODOLA DRESSED AS THE GRINCH SERVED EVICTION NOTICES

Just two days before Festivus, Little Rock Mayor Mark Stodola dressed as the Grinch, personally served eviction notices to residents of the Alexander Apartments at 6310 Colonel Glenn Road.

Alexander Apartments resident LaTisha Shakalaka-Boom told reporters, " I was in the kitchen getting my 5 year old son some of those Little Debbie Christmas Tree cakes when I heard an awful racket at the door.  My son went to the door thinking it was his Auntie and when he opened the door and saw the Grinch he screamed and fainted."  Shakalaka-Boom added, "the mayor should be ashamed of hisself for scaring my poor baby and throwing us out of our home at this time of year. Jesus is weeping."

While Stodola was knocking on doors, Little Rock City Manager Bruce Moore told reporters "occupants in residential rental units have the right to safe living spaces that meet code requirements... if those standards are not met, it is up to the City to step and and take immediate action."  

The action in this case was to tell the residents that had to get the hell out by December 28th or be faced with being arrested and having their children placed in foster care.

The city directed utility companies to shut off gas and electricity as well.

In an official Festivus practice of the Airing of Grievances, Central Arkansas Legal Aid filed a motion for a temporary restraining order which was granted by Pulaski County Circuit Judge Alice Gray.

A hearing has been set for December 29th at 10:30 a.m.

MAYOR STODOLA DEMANDS TWO POSITIONS TO SERVE UNDER HIM WITH A $158,000 COST TO TAXPAYERS

MAYOR STODOLA WITH PHYLLIS DICKERSON, HIS SOON TO BE CHIEF OF STAFF

Little Rock Mayor Mark Stodola has demanded that two positions be created to serve under him, a chief of staff ( salary range $60k - $90k) and an assistant to the mayor (salary range $44k to $68k).

Stodola and city manager Bruce Moore almost came to blows when the mayor became enraged when Moore questioned why the positions were necessary. 

STODOLA AND MOORE STARE DOWN EACH OTHER AFTER CONFRONTATION

Only one individual has applied for the top job, Phyllis Dickerson. Dickerson currently is employed as a Special Events & Program Coordinator in the City Manager's office with an annual salary of $65,625.00.  In her new position she could make up to a 37% increase in salary.

City Human Resource personnel also questioned the need for the two costly positions when the mayor has access to any number of city hall staff members at his beck and call already.

Emails obtained reveal that Stodola "bitch slapped" Moore and pulled rank on him declaring, "Bruce we have always worked pretty well together the past 8+ years and while you might prefer something different, I really want and need this to happen and would like it to happen with your cooperation (I am the mayor bitch). Ordinance 19,761 identifies the mayor as the chief executive officer of the city and it also increases the executive authority of the mayor including a directive that all powers and duties of the city manager shall be performed at the direction of the mayor".

Both Stodola and Moore were unavailable for comment. 

IS BIELEMA LEAVING ARKANSAS? FOR SALE SIGN & MOVING VAN SPOTTED AT HIS HOME

MOVING VAN SIGHTED AT BIELEMA'S HOME

A moving van was spotted this morning at the Fayetteville home of Arkansas head  coach Bret Bielema. There was also what appeared to be a for sale sign in the yard.

At a post game press conference, after the shocking loss to Toledo, a weeping Bielema broke down and had to be escorted from press room at War Memorial Stadium. It was reported that the team doctor had to sedate him.

Tweets directed at Bielema were reported to have almost caused Twitter servers to crash and Bielema became visibly upset after reading them.

 

 

On the bus ride back to Fayetteville, players report observing Bielema making a flurry of phone calls, and was overhead saying "its time to bounce".

There has been no response to messages left for Bielema or UAF Athletic Director Jeff Long.

When Lindsey & Associates was contacted about their sign in Bielema's yard, the individual that answered said they "had no comment at the present time" and to "piss off".

STATE SENATOR JASON RAPERT SPARS WITH PRIEST AT LOWES - ENDS UP AT STATE HOSPITAL

SEN. JASON RAPERT TAKES A SWING AT FATHER JOSEF STALGRIN

State Senator Jason Rapert (R-Bigelow) was photographed taking a swing at Father Josef Stalgrin of St. Catherine of Cadron Creek Catholic Church this past weeked at Lowes in Conway.

Father Stalgrin was at Lowe's to bless some lumber and as he was leaving he ran into Rapert in the parking lot.  Stalgrin told Rapert he was a constituent and asked him if he would join him in prayer.  Rapert became incensed that a Catholic priest would ask him to do anything, and Rapert went on a tirade about the Catholic Church and how their doctrine is evil and all their priests are pedophiles.  

Stalgrin, shocked by Rapert's outburst and believing him to be possessed, quickly walked away from Rapert.

Later in the day, Rapert began making bizarre tweets, many of which contained threats of violence.

An unidentified acquaintance of Rapert's called the Faulkner County Sheriff's office and asked them to conduct a welfare check at Rapert's residence.  Upon arrival,  deputies found Rapert running around his home, screaming at the top of his lungs that the world was ending while carrying a copy of the Arkansas Times.

A quick search of the home by the deputies revealed a cache of weapons and disturbing photographs and writings of Rapert.  One photo resembled the famous photo of Lee Harvey Oswald found after the assassination of John F. Kennedy.

 

Another photo depicted Rapert dressed as Jesus.

Deputies quickly obtained a commitment order and transported Rapert to the State Hospital in Little Rock. In a hearing conducted over closed circuit television, Rapert claimed the court had no authority to hold him and only a heavenly court could pronounce any binding judgment.  That remark and other ramblings resulted in a 45 day commitment order for Rapert to remain at the State Hospital. 

 

SPRINGDALE AIR TRAFFIC CONTROLLER FOUND HALF NAKED AND PASSED OUT IN CONTROL TOWER

On July 16th a Springdale, AR air traffic controller, Phillip "P.J." Mascheck, 50 was arrested after police said he was intoxicated in the control tower at the Springdale Municipal Airport.

Maschek arrived at airport for work about 6:00 a.m. and when a pilot could not get the tower to respond at 7:45 a.m., another airport employee found Mascheck "passed out in his chair with his shirt off".

When Springdale police responded they gave Mascheck a field sobriety test, which he failed.  According to the police report Mascheck was showing signs of intoxication, slurring his speech, swaying in his feet and struggled to follow directions and could not maintain his balance. Mascheck was wearing a robe and slippers when he was arrested according to the police report.

Mascheck argued with the police over the term "public intoxication" and said "a little green man in a flying saucer circled the control tower and fired some sort of ray gun at him that made him pass out and when he woke up he felt loopy".

Mascheck refused a breath test and the police did not take blood samples according to the report.  The report indicated Mascheck denied he was intoxicated. Mascheck complained to officers that his butt hurt and thought he had been probed by the alien.

Mascheck told the police he had worked for the city for 20 years and had never seen anything like it, referring to the flying saucer.

Mascheck was arrested and released from jail after posting a $350.00 bond.

LRPD URGES RESIDENTS TO REMAIN INSIDE TO AVOID BEING SHOT

The Little Rock Police Department issued a warning today that urges residents to remain inside their homes the next few day to avoid being shot. 

This follows what Sergeant Cody Miller stated on July 4th, "Sometimes the heat makes people do things they wouldn't normally do".  Miller's quote appeared in the news media and is the official explanation by LRPD for the recent increase in shootings.

As the forecast calls for increasing temperatures over the next few days, LRPD determined that it was in the public interest to issue a warning to stay inside.

LRPD Chief Kenton Buckner told new media he's concerned that his missing city issued pistol will be used to shoot someone, "I'm worried that the gun I lost, err, misplaced, err that was stolen might be used to cap someone". Buckner added that he is concerned that the hot weather will cause the shootings to spike, "I'm afraid this heat is going to wreck my crime figures".

We attempted to reach Mayor Mark Stodola and City Manager Bruce Moore for comments, but were told that they made an unplanned visit to Iceland shortly after the LRPD made the press release.

CHIEF BUCKNER PONDERS ABOUT THE HEAT CAUSING SHOOTINGS

GOV. HUTCHINSON REPLACES STATE FLAG

New Arkansas State flag

Governor Asa Hutchinson announced today that he has issued an executive order that calls for the immediate replacement of the Arkansas State flag.

Hutchinson stated the reason for the change is "people in other states might confuse our old flag with the confederate  flag and Arkansans traveling through other states might be subject to harassment and violence due to recent events".

Hutchinson pointed out that the old Arkansas flag was based on the confederate battle flag and even former governor Bill Clinton back in 1987 signed Act 116 that stated that the blue star above the word Arkansas is to commemorate the Confederate States of America.

Hutchinson said that "the time for Arkansans to move on is now" and that "we need to show that we are not always racist hillbillies". When asked about gay marriage, the state police rushed Hutchinson away.

Hutchinson did not provide details about how the new flag was designed, but did say that he looks nice when photographed in front of it.

LITTLE ROCK POLICE OFFICERS SUE CITY OVER FUNDS

LRPD Officer Sims is shown in one of the lawsuits exhibits.

A group of Little Rock Police Officers assigned to a special unit that poses as down-on-their-luck street corner solicitors to issue citations to violators for no seat belt and texting while driving, has filed a lawsuit against the city over funds they collected posing as beggars.  

The group of officers jokingly called the Hobo Squad, claim that the city demanded that they turn over the coins and currency tossed at them by charitable citizens to the city.  The officers claim that they are entitled to the funds as hazard duty pay because of the nature of their work. 

Cash collected by the cops while posing as hobos.

Mark Sims, one of the plaintiffs in the suit who uses the street name “Skid Mark”, claims that city officials “have no idea of the crap we go through standing out there holding a cardboard sign trying to keep drivers safe”.  Sims went on to say “people say all kinds of nasty things to us and toss stuff at us”. “It’s not a pleasant experience at all” added Sims.

We caught up with Little Rock mayor Mark Stodola at a recent event and when asked about the suit he stated , “these officers are trying to supplement their city salary in violation of our personnel polices”.  Stodola further stated, “you would think that the kind people that give them the remains of an egg McGuffin [sic] or sausage biscuit would be more than enough to compensate them for the alleged abuse they encounter”.

SATELLITE PHOTO SHOWS PIPELINE EXPLOSION

A spokesperson for the US Coast Guard says a natural gas pipeline exploded on the Arkansas River in Little Rock.

The spokesman says the inactive Texas Eastern pipeline exploded on the river near the Gribble St. Ramp and I-30 Bridge close to the Clinton Mobile Home thing Sunday.

There was one vessel on the water at the time was damaged and residual gas leaked into the water.

The US Coast Guard has shut down the river to water traffic between mile markers 116 and 118 because of possible hazard to navigation.

Crews are searching with sonar equipment for any remaining debris and signs of foul play.

About  4 million cubic feet of natural gas leaked into the river, causing a massive fish kill.

Residents are urged not to eat the fish floating in the river.

LITTLE ROCK POLICE CAN NOW FIGHT CRIME

At the Little Rock Board of Director's meeting Tuesday night, LRPD Chief Kenton Buckner revealed the reason crime has been rampant in the city and why Little Rock has been ranked as the most dangerous city of its size by multiple organization for the past few years; It was because Little Rock police officers were afraid to protect citizens and stop crime because they lacked riot gear.

Bucker stated “...you cannot expect a police officer to protect life and property if he cannot protect himself. … I understand this is uncomfortable for all of us as Americans because we ask why are we militarizing our police … [but] this is the new America. This is the new normal — whether we like it or not.”

LRPD is now fully equipped and militarized with the addition of the riot gear.

LRPD practices for the first chance to use their newly acquired riot gear.

LRPD acquired several million dollars of surplus military equipment using the 1033 program administered by the Defense Logistics Agency. LRPD has two Mine Resistant Ambush Protected (MARP) Vehicles and one light armored vehicle.

LRPD's two MARP vehicles are valued at 2 million dollars.

LRPD's light armored vehicle is valued at $250,000.00

Although it cannot be confirmed, it is believed that LRPD also obtained a drone.

In the meeting, Buckner also said social media is the main cause of civil unrest. Buckner is no stranger to social media himself in that he frequently makes posts on the LRPD Facebook page about where he is eating or going to church.

Several directors questioned the immediate need and priorities of other devices, with some of the most revealing questions coming from one of the directors that has had frequent contact with LRPD officers, Director Ken Richardson.

Sgt. Rodney Lewis, who has been with  LRPD for 25 years, was almost in tears as he was pleading for board to approve the riot gear, "If you send us out there to do the work, no matter how many officers get injured or even some might get killed, which one of y’all are going to go to my house and tell my wife or my kids ‘I failed them’?” Lewis asked. Lewis is one of 44 officers who are members of a special response unit that is already outfitted with riot gear. Lewis admitted that in all his 25 years with the department, he's never seen a riot.

LRPD Sgt. Rodney Lewis fights back tears speaking before the LR Board

Buckner is also no stranger to "riots" as he was an assistant chief with the Louisville, KY police department when they were involved in a much publicized attack on peaceful Occupy Louisville protesters and when rowdy Louisville fans rioted after they won the NCAA national championship in 2013. Buckner came under fire for comments he made that seemed to encourage the rioters, "We are on the cusp of doing something great (winning a championship) - celebrate". Shortly after making those comments, Bucker was looking for a new job and landed here in Little Rock. 

SEN. TOM COTTON FLEES FROM BATTLE WITH HOBBIT

COTTON RUNS QUICKLY AWAY FROM ANGRY HOBBIT

Arkansas Senator Thomas B. Cotton was photographed fleeing for his life after a brief battle with a hobbit in the Shire.

Tom Cotton also known as Young Tom, the son of the famous Tolman “Tom” Cotton, has for some time has complained that Sen. Cotton by writing open letters when he can’t get his way is besmirching the name of his renowned father. Young Tom’s father is famous for heroic action in the Battle of Bywater.

Sen. Cotton is known for writing open letters when he feels that he is being ignored.

The first noted use of this tactic was when Sen. Cotton was briefly in combat in the Middle East back in 2006.  He took time from fighting the jihading terrorists to complain that reporters writing about how the U.S. was able to track funds of the terrorists were causing the loss of his soldier’s lives. He did not give specific details but did point out that he was a Harvard graduate and knew what he was talking about.  Sen. Cotton’s second letter which was to Iran has been much debated and it is speculated that he may be the first person ever charged with violating 18 U.S.C. A. § 953, known as the Logan Act.The Logan Act is a single federal statute making it a crime for a citizen to confer with foreign governments against the interests of the United States. Specifically, it prohibits citizens from negotiating with other nations on behalf of the United States without authorization.

Hobbits in the Shire are celebrating the victory of Young Tom and they do not believe that Sen. Cotton will ever step foot in the Shire again. Gimbo Gamgee, the mayor of Bywater said “that man was running from here like a hoard of orc’s was on his tail”.

QUAPAW TRIBE INITATES PLANS FOR CASINO IN LITTLE ROCK

Promotional photo for the proposed Little Rock Quapaw Casino featuring LR Mayor Mark Stodola 

The Quapaw Tribe of Oklahoma is seeking to have 160 acres of land owned by the Tribe in Pulaski County, just south of the Little Rock Port Authority, placed in the federal Indian Trust by the Department of the Interior.

The Tribe acquired the property in 2012 and 2013 for $1,372,000.00 according to records on file with the Pulaski County Clerk and the Pulaski County Assessor.

According to the Department of Interior, by placing the land in trust with the United States, Arkansas would have no authority over tribal governments unless expressly authorized by Congress. While federally recognized tribes generally are not subordinate to states, they can have a government-to-government relationship with these other sovereigns, as well.

Federally recognized tribes possess both the right and the authority to regulate activities on their lands independently from state government control.  They can enact and enforce stricter or more lenient laws and regulations than those of the surrounding or neighboring state(s) wherein they are located. Yet, tribes frequently collaborate and cooperate with states through compacts or other agreements on matters of mutual concern such as environmental protection and law enforcement.

Pulaski County Judge Barry Hyde received a letter earlier this month from the Department of the Interior which provided notice of their intention to place the property in trust. Judge Hyde, apparently baffled by the entire process and his lack of knowledge regarding federal regulations concerning Indian tribal rights, could not even provide reporters the date he received the letter. Little Rock Mayor Mark Stodola made remarks alluding to the letter of notice during his “state of the city” address this past Thursday, but offered little details.

Our investigative reporter has obtained a draft of an up-coming press release concerning the opening of new Quapaw Casino here in Little Rock that features Mayor Stodola .  It was also discovered that the newly appointed Port Authority director, Brian Day, has been having pow-wow’s with tribal leaders to facilitate the development of the site.  Day stated "I'm excited about having the casino close to my office because there are not many places to eat close by out here”.

The Quapaw Tribe owns and operates two other casinos in Oklahoma.

UAF COACH EMPLOYS OLD SCHOOL METHOD OF DISCIPLINE

Coach Bielema delivers some "old school" discipline to Beanum

University of Arkansas at Fayetteville football head coach Brett Bielema resorted to an “old school” method of discipline to deal with the recent arrest of sophomore Tevin Beanum for failing to dim his headlights.

In his press conference on February 26^th, Bielema stated that the fact that there were no injuries to his player or anyone else as well as the fact that he hasn't dealt with this situation in a long time was a “positive”.

However, in addition to following protocol and placing Beanum in mandatory counseling sessions, the Razorbacks' head coach revealed that he contacted the player's mother to determine the best method of discipline.

"He'll complete the requirements that the University of Arkansas puts forth, but also the ones that I have. His momma told me that I should take his car away and wear his ass out and that’s what I did”.

MID-AMERICA MUSEUM TO REOPEN WITH NEW EXHIBITS

The Mid-America Museum in Hot Springs, AR has recently undergone renovations and plans to reopen on March 7, 2015.

The museum has added an Interactive Graffiti Wall where visitors can tag a brick wall and a Meth Lab Display.

Graffiti Wall Display

Meth Lab Display

There is also a taxidermied horse donated by Oklawn Park Race Track.

Anonymous horse from Oklawn

ARKANSAS GOVERNOR SHUTS DOWN STATE DUE TO SNOWMAGEDDON; HIDES IN BUNKER

Arkansas Governor Asa Hutchinson, issued an executive order this morning which ordered all state and municipal offices to be closed until further notice.

Hutchinson also initiated a little known disaster plan that called for his placing the Arkansas National Guard on alert and having all elected executive officers report to a secret bunker located under the Arkansas State Capitol.

Hutchinson, appearing to hold back tears, stated he believe that “the severe winter weather was a sure sign of the end times” and that he and other elected officials would remain in the secret bunker until the “first wave of the apocalypse was over”.

Lt. Governor Tim Griffin was contacted and he stated that he could not comment at this time as he was “headed for his bugout cabin in the Ozarks because of the Snowmageddon”.

LITTLE ROCK MARATHON FORCED TO USE ALTERNATE MEDALS DUE TO LABOR STRIKE

Little Rock Marathon race organizers are using alternate medals due to a labor strike.

Marathon spokesperson Emma Royds stated that “the LR Marathon originally placed an order for medals with a vendor in Asia and due to a dockworkers strike in San Francisco, the medals are just not going to be here by next weekend”.

Royds told reporters that “the race executive committee decided to use alternate medals and voted to change from a pirate theme to a theme that more accurately reflected Little Rock”. Royds said that a local vendor was secured by the race organizers and could have replacement medals ready by race time. Royds added that “the race last year was a fiasco and we could not have a race and not give out medals to participants”.

GOVERNMENT COVERS UP UFO CRASH IN PENNSYLVANIA

LEAKED PHOTO OF CRASHED UFO

State Police spokesman Tom “Tiny” Cox initially told reporters that an alien craft crashed on US highway 11 around 10:30 a.m. on Sunday February 15^th. Later the State Police released an update that stated it was not actually a UFO that crashed, but was an Oscar Meyer Wienermobile.

According to confidential sources, the Pennsylvania State Police received several calls from motorists about a strange looking aircraft crashing on US highway 11 Sunday morning.  Troopers quickly responded and placed a startled alien creature into custody. When federal authorities were notified and they learned that information about a UFO crashing had been released to the media, they quickly arranged for a cover story to be released.

TSOUKALOUS

Giorgio Tsoukalous, director of the Eric von Daniken’s Center of Ancient Astronaut Research, and host of In Search of Aliens, stated that ”the government typically covers up such incidents, fortunately we have credible evidence that an alien astronaut survived a crash of his spacecraft and is being held in some dark, damp secret underground facility”.

LITTLE ROCK BOARD MEMBERS WANT TO CLOSE TWIN PEAKS

Little Rock Board of director Joan Adcock wants to close Twin Peaks, a popular west Little Rock sports bar and restaurant, claiming that the female servers are actually exploited sex workers.

 Adcock stated at a recent board meeting that two other board members, Brad Cazort and Gene Fortson, made numerous fact finding missions to Twin Peaks and asked them to give statements as to what they observed.

FORTSON & CAZORT 

Cazort stated that they found the scantily clad servers “extremely seductive and very friendly, especially if you are a generous tipper”.  Fortson stated that most of the servers appeared to be wearing only “frilly lace panties and bras” and “the cold temperature of the beer seems to keep their nipples hard all the time”.  Fortson indicated that could be a health and wellness concern for the girls.

Mayor Mark Stodola scolded Cazort and Fortson for not including him in the fact finding mission.

The matter was referred to city attorney Tom Carpenter for further investigation.  Carpenter stated he would immediately begin an investigation and remarked he” would personally visit Twin Peaks as many times as necessary to get all the necessary facts”.