SPRINGDALE AIR TRAFFIC CONTROLLER FOUND HALF NAKED AND PASSED OUT IN CONTROL TOWER

On July 16th a Springdale, AR air traffic controller, Phillip "P.J." Mascheck, 50 was arrested after police said he was intoxicated in the control tower at the Springdale Municipal Airport.

Maschek arrived at airport for work about 6:00 a.m. and when a pilot could not get the tower to respond at 7:45 a.m., another airport employee found Mascheck "passed out in his chair with his shirt off".

When Springdale police responded they gave Mascheck a field sobriety test, which he failed.  According to the police report Mascheck was showing signs of intoxication, slurring his speech, swaying in his feet and struggled to follow directions and could not maintain his balance. Mascheck was wearing a robe and slippers when he was arrested according to the police report.

Mascheck argued with the police over the term "public intoxication" and said "a little green man in a flying saucer circled the control tower and fired some sort of ray gun at him that made him pass out and when he woke up he felt loopy".

Mascheck refused a breath test and the police did not take blood samples according to the report.  The report indicated Mascheck denied he was intoxicated. Mascheck complained to officers that his butt hurt and thought he had been probed by the alien.

Mascheck told the police he had worked for the city for 20 years and had never seen anything like it, referring to the flying saucer.

Mascheck was arrested and released from jail after posting a $350.00 bond.

LRPD URGES RESIDENTS TO REMAIN INSIDE TO AVOID BEING SHOT

The Little Rock Police Department issued a warning today that urges residents to remain inside their homes the next few day to avoid being shot. 

This follows what Sergeant Cody Miller stated on July 4th, "Sometimes the heat makes people do things they wouldn't normally do".  Miller's quote appeared in the news media and is the official explanation by LRPD for the recent increase in shootings.

As the forecast calls for increasing temperatures over the next few days, LRPD determined that it was in the public interest to issue a warning to stay inside.

LRPD Chief Kenton Buckner told new media he's concerned that his missing city issued pistol will be used to shoot someone, "I'm worried that the gun I lost, err, misplaced, err that was stolen might be used to cap someone". Buckner added that he is concerned that the hot weather will cause the shootings to spike, "I'm afraid this heat is going to wreck my crime figures".

We attempted to reach Mayor Mark Stodola and City Manager Bruce Moore for comments, but were told that they made an unplanned visit to Iceland shortly after the LRPD made the press release.

CHIEF BUCKNER PONDERS ABOUT THE HEAT CAUSING SHOOTINGS