LITTLE ROCK BOARD MEMBERS WANT TO CLOSE TWIN PEAKS

Little Rock Board of director Joan Adcock wants to close Twin Peaks, a popular west Little Rock sports bar and restaurant, claiming that the female servers are actually exploited sex workers.

 Adcock stated at a recent board meeting that two other board members, Brad Cazort and Gene Fortson, made numerous fact finding missions to Twin Peaks and asked them to give statements as to what they observed.

FORTSON & CAZORT 

Cazort stated that they found the scantily clad servers “extremely seductive and very friendly, especially if you are a generous tipper”.  Fortson stated that most of the servers appeared to be wearing only “frilly lace panties and bras” and “the cold temperature of the beer seems to keep their nipples hard all the time”.  Fortson indicated that could be a health and wellness concern for the girls.

Mayor Mark Stodola scolded Cazort and Fortson for not including him in the fact finding mission.

The matter was referred to city attorney Tom Carpenter for further investigation.  Carpenter stated he would immediately begin an investigation and remarked he” would personally visit Twin Peaks as many times as necessary to get all the necessary facts”.

KANYE WEST DECLARES BEYONCE THE MESSIAH

According  to Los Angles contractor Odell A. Beck, Kanye West hired him build a chapel in his Hidden Hills estate mansion  that features a painting of Beyoncé over the alter.  West told Beck that he believed that “Beyoncé is the daughter of God; the female messiah”. 

West also told Beck that he came to this conclusion “after being locked in a closet by his wife, Kim Kardashian, for a week and only being able to listen to the song ‘Halo’ by Beyoncé  that was on an old Rio mp3 player in his sock drawer”.

West whose antics for popping up on stage at award shows to interrupt someone while they are talking and using that moment to voice praise about someone else gave birth to the popular idiom, “Pulling a Kanye”. 

JERMAIN TAYLOR TRANSFERRED TO STATE HOSPITAL FOR MENTAL EXAM

Boxing champion Jermain Taylor has been sent to the State Hospital for a physical and mental evaluation following a bond revocation hearing. The state hospital has released an autographed photo of Taylor taken shortly after his transfer from the Pulaski County Jail.

The state wants Jermain Taylor to have a mental evaluation to see if he's fit to proceed to trial and if he was competent at the time the alleged crime was committed.

Taylor allegedly brandished a handgun and fired shots at the Martin Luther King, Jr. Marade on January 19, 2015.  In 2014 Taylor was arrested after a shooting at his residence involving a relative.

Defense attorney Hubert Alexander said his team is "okay" with the order and wants to know "who Jermain Taylor is." Taylor insisted that other inmates and jail staff refer to him as the “Candy Man”.

UAF BANS THE INTERVIEW FROM CAMPUS

The University of Arkansas at Fayetteville has banned the movie The Interview from being streamed on campus.  

The UAF press release stated that the movie offers support to the University of Texas and actors in the movie are clearly depicted making the Hook’em Horn’s gesture.  

RAZORBACKS TO PLAY REDWOLFS IN TOILET BOWL

The College Bowl Selection Committee announced today that the University of Arkansas at Fayetteville will play Arkansas State University in the 2014 Clorox Toilet Bowl.

The announcement set off a rush by legislators from Northwest Arkansas trying to force outgoing Governor Mike Beebe to call for an emergency special session to try and block the matchup.

UAF Athletic Director and College Bowl Selection Committee chairman Jeff Long said the committee’s decision “has my bowels in a uproar”.

SUPERSTITIOUS RAZORBACK COACH THROWS RAZOR AWAY

The Arkansas Razorbacks shut out LSU in a 17-0 victory Saturday night in Fayetteville.  The win broke a streak of 17 straight Southeastern Conference losses for the Hogs.  LSU was ranked 17^th prior to the game and the highly superstitious Razorback football coach Bret Bielema says he will not be shaving anytime soon.  Bielema commented "I'm participating in No Shave November,  but the fact that the Hogs had lost 17 straight SEC games, LSU was rated 17^th and we beat them 17-0 is too much to ignore".

"I have a huge superstition of wearing a windbreaker on game day. I'll never get away from that. I tried to but I couldn't, and now I’m through with shaving” said Bielema.

If the Razorbacks win a game, Coach Bielema will eat the same food the next three weeks, wear the same underwear, and avoid being around his wife.

"I wanna give the people of Arkansas a championship. I do want that. Sounds silly because life's not about that but in a culture like this, those things mean a lot," Bielema explained.

"When I hear people talk about a 1964 championship and it's 2014 and they talk about it like it's yesterday, you know it's important to 'em or they have mental issues.”

OBAMA DECLARES MARTIAL LAW

In response to election results that appeared to give control of the US Senate and many State governments to Republicans, President Obama declared the entire United States and territories to be under Marshal Law.

Shortly after midnight, Department of Homeland Security agents and multiple Army units took hundreds of Republic candidates into custody citing special provisions of the Patriot Act and Obamacare and placed them in FEMA holding facilities.

President Obama has pledged to conduct investigations into what he is calling "massive voter fraud and monkey business by the Republic National Party".